* In the first book of the Bible, Guiness, God got tired
of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.
* Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.
* Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark.
* Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears.
* Lots wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.
* The Jews were a proud people and throughout history
they had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals.
* Samson was a strongman who let himself be lead astray
by a Jezebel like Delilah.
* Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea,
where they made unleavened bread
which is bread without any ingredients.
* The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert.
* Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide
to get the ten amendments.
* The first commandment as when
Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
* The seventh commandment is
thou shalt not admit adultery.
* Moses died before he ever reached Canada.
* Then Joshua led the Hebrews
in the battle of Geritol.
* The greatest miracle in the Bible is
when Joshua told his son to stand
still and he obeyed him.
* David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar.
He fought with the Finklesteins,
a race of people who lived in Biblical times.
* Solomon, one of David's sons,
had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
* When Mary heard that she was the
mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.
* When the three wise guys from the east side arrived,
they found Jesus in the manager.
* Jesus was born because Mary
had a immaculate contraption.
* St. John, the blacksmith,
dumped water on his head.
* Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one
to others before they do one to you. He also explained,
"a man doth not live by sweat alone."
* It was a miracle when Jesus rose
from the dead and managed to get the
tombstone off the entrance.
* The people who followed the
Lord were called the 12 decibels.
* The epistles were the wives of the apostles.
* One of the opossums was
St. Matthew who was also a taximan.
* St. Paul cavorted to Christianity.
He preached holy acrimony,
which is another name for marriage.
* A Christian should have only one spouse.
This is called monotony.
The lesson from Noah's
story is that
if you don't obey God, He will kill you.
(Thanks Rod)
Little Breeanna knows God's name
(Howard)
because she talks to him each time they pray
the Lord's prayer...
"Howard be Thy name..."
she also knows to eat only on Tuesdays...
"Give us Tuesday, our daily bread..."
(Thanks
Virginia)
Well you see God is like a fat man,
eat, sleep, create, rest
(Thanks)
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