Favorite One-Liners

Favorite One-Liners

Depression is merely
anger without enthusiasm

Eagles may soar,
but weasels don't
get sucked into jet engines

Early bird gets the worm,
but the second mouse gets the cheese

I'm not cheap,
but I am on special this week

I almost had a psychic girlfriend
but she left me before we met

I drive way too fast
to worry about cholesterol

I intend to live forever
- so far, so good

I love defenseless animals,
especially in a good gravy

If Barbie is so popular,
why do you have to buy her friends?

If you ain't makin' waves,
you ain't kickin' hard enough!

24 hours in a day ...
24 beers in a case ...
coincidence?

If everything seems to be going well,
you have obviously overlooked something.

Many people quit looking for work
when they find a job.

When I'm not in my right mind,
my left mind gets pretty crowded.

Everyone has a photographic memory.
Some don't have film.

Boycott shampoo!
Demand the REAL poo!

If you choke a smurf,
what color does it turn?

Who is General Failure
and why is he reading my hard disk?

What happens if you get
scared half to death twice?

Energizer Bunny arrested,

charged with battery.

Mental backup in progress -
Do Not Disturb!

Mind Like A Steel Trap -
Rusty And Illegal In 37 States

Quantum Mechanics:
The dreams stuff is made of.

Support bacteria -
they're the only culture some people have.

Televangelists:
The Pro Wrestlers of religion.

The only substitute for good manners
is fast reflexes.

When everything's coming your way,
you're in the wrong lane.

Ambition is a poor excuse for
not having enough sense to be lazy.

Give a man a free hand
and he'll run it all over you.

If I worked as much as others,
I would do as little as they.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder...

If love ain't a game
why are there so many players?

When someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown,
but it only takes 4 muscles
to extend your arm and
whack them in the head.

Growing old is mandatory,
growing up is optional.

If practice makes perfect and nobody's perfect,
why practice?
(Thanks)