A Few Religious Laughs
One Sunday
in a Midwest city a young child was "acting up" during the morning worship hour.
The parents did their best to maintain some sense of order in the pew but were losing the
battle. Finally the father picked the little fellow up and walked sternly up the aisle on
his way out. Just before reaching the safety of the foyer the little one called loudly to
the congregation,
"Pray for me! Pray for me!"
A daddy was listening to his child say his prayer "Dear Harold".
At this, dad interrupted and said, "Wait a minute,
"How come you called God, Harold"?
The little boy looked up and said,
"That's what they call Him in church. You know the prayer we say,
"Our Father, who art in Heaven, Harold be Thy name."
And this particular four-year-old said as part of the Lord's prayer:
"And forgive us our trash baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our
baskets."
During the minister's prayer one Sunday, there was a loud whistle from
one of the back pews. Gary's mother was horrified. She pinched him into
silence, and after church, asked:
"Gary, whatever made you do such a thing?"
Gary answered soberly:
"I asked God to teach me to whistle...And He just then did!"
One night Mike's parents overheard this prayer. "Now I lay me down to
rest, and hope to pass tomorrow's test, if I should die before I wake,
that's one less test I have to take."
A five-year-old said grace at family dinner one night.
"Dear God, thank you for these pancakes."
When he concluded, his parents asked him why he
thanked God for pancakes when they were having chicken.
He smiled and said,
"I thought I'd see if He was paying attention tonight."
A little boy's prayer. "Dear God, please take care of my daddy and my
mommy and my sister and my brother and my doggy and me. Oh, please
take care of yourself, God. If anything happens to you, we're gonna be
in a big mess."
A rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy: "So your mother says
your prayers for you each night? Very commendable. What does she
say?" The little boy replied, "Thank God he's in bed!"
A woman invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to her
six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?"
I wouldn't know what to say," the little girl replied. "Just say what
you hear Mommy say, " the mother said. The little girl bowed her head
and said,
"Dear Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"
Johnny had been misbehaving and was sent to his room. After a while
he emerged and informed his mother that he had thought it over and then said
a prayer.
"Fine," said the pleased mother.
"If you ask God to help you not misbehave, He will help you."
"Oh, I didn't ask Him to help me not misbehave," said Johnny.
"I asked Him to help you put up with me."
A little boy was overheard praying: "Lord, if You can't make me a
better boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I am!"
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