The long awaited Latest
edition of the Darwin "Natural Selection"
Awards-Criminal Category have been released!
These awards are given each year to bestow upon that
individual, who through isolation by incarceration,
has done the most to remove undesirable elements from
the human gene pool.
RUNNER-UP # 9
Yankton, South Dakota: A woman was arrested at her
step son's Boy Scout meeting. While watching a
policeman demonstrate his drug dog's ability, the dog
found a bag of grass in her purse.
RUNNER-UP # 8
Colorado Springs: A guy walked into a little corner
store with a shotgun and demanded all the cash from
the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a
bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted
behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier
to put it in the bag as well, but he refused and said
"Because I don't believe you are over 21." The
robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to
give it to him because he didn't believe him.
At this point the robber took his drivers license out of
his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over,
and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the
scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his
loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name
and address of the robber that he got off the license.
They arrested the robber two hours later.
RUNNER-UP # 7
A woman was reporting her car as stolen, and
mentioned that there was a car phone in it.
The policeman taking the report called the phone
and told the guy that answered that he had read
the ad in the newspaper and wanted to buy the car.
They arranged to meet, and the thief was arrested.
RUNNER-UP # 6
San Francisco: A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank
of America, walked into the branch and wrote "this
iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag."
While standing in line, waiting to give his note
to the teller, he began to worry that someone had
seen him write the note and might call the police
before he reached the teller window. So he left the
Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo.
After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note
to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from
his spelling errors that he was not the brightest light in
the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup
note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit
slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo
deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat
defeated, the man said "OK" and left. The Wells Fargo teller
then called the police who arrested the man a few minutes later,
as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.
RUNNER-UP # 5
>From England: A motorist was unknowingly caught in
an automated speed trap that measured his speed
using radar and photographed his car. He later
received in the mail a ticket for 40 Pounds and a
photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the
police department a photograph of 40 Pounds. Several
days later, he received a letter from the police
that contained another picture...of handcuffs.
The motorist promptly sent the money for the
fine.
RUNNER-UP # 4
Drug Possession Defendant Christopher Jansen, on
trial in March in Pontiac, Michigan, said he had
been searched without a warrant. The prosecutor said
the officer didn't need a warrant because a "bulge"
in Christopher's jacket could have been a
gun. "Nonsense," said Christopher, who happened to
be wearing the same jacket that day in court. He
handed it over so the judge could see it. The
judge discovered a packet of cocaine in the pocket
and laughed so hard he required a five minute
recess to compose himself.
RUNNER-UP # 3
Oklahoma City: Dennis Newton was on trial for the
armed robbery of a convenience store in district
court when he fired his lawyer. Assistant district
attorney Larry Jones said Newton, 47, was doing a
fair job of defending himself until the store manager
testified that Newton was the robber. Newton
jumped up, accused the woman of lying and then
said, "I should of blown your (expletive) head off."
The defendant paused, then quickly added, "If I'd
been the one that was there." The jury took 20
minutes to convict Newton and recommended a 30-year
sentence.
RUNNER-UP # 2
Detroit: R.C. Gaitlan, 21, walked up to two patrol
officers who were showing their squad car computer
felon-location equipment to children in a Detroit
neighborhood. When he asked how the system worked,
the officer asked him for identification. Gaitlan
gave them his drivers license, they entered it into
the computer, and moments later they arrested Gaitlan
because information on the screen showed Gaitlan was
wanted for a two-year-old armed robbery in St. Louis,
Missouri.
RUNNER-UP # 1
Another from Detroit: A pair of Michigan robbers
entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers.
The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his
partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
THE WINNER
A Charlotte, NC, man having purchased a case of very
rare, very expensive cigars, insured them against
fire among other things. Within a month, having
smoked his entire stockpile of cigars and without
having made even his first premium payment on the
policy, the man filed a claim against the insurance
company. In his claim, the man stated the cigars
were lost "in a series of small fires." The insurance
company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason
that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal
fashion. The man sued.... and won. In delivering the
ruling the judge agreeing that the claim was
frivolous, stated nevertheless that the man held a
policy from the company in which it had warranted
that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed
that it would insure against fire, without defining
what it considered to be "unacceptable fire," and was
obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure a
lengthy and costly appeal process the insurance
company accepted the ruling and paid the man $15,000
for the rare cigars he lost in "the fires."
After the man cashed the check, however, the company
had him arrested on 24 counts of arson. With his own
insurance claim and testimony from the previous case
being used against him, the man was convicted of
intentionally burning his insured property and
sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.
And you all thought you knew some ignorant people.
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